Clothes Horse
by: Colette Calapristi Casey
© copyright 2014
“Really? Seriously? You think I need a makeover? My heart raced as I stood there looking into the eyes of my fiancé Freddy and the TV stars from “What Not to Wear.”
While Freddy was just a mere 5-6 inches shorter than me he seemed to get shorter the longer I stared at him.
The TV stars laughed and clapped. “Ah come on Emma, don’t you want to try something new? The new Fall Fashions are right on trend with classic styles you can wear for a long time. Trust us; you’ll look great after we’re done with you.”
The camera man moved in closer which made me want to punch him even more. I turned and stared him down until he sheepishly backed up to whence his skinny butt came.
“Emma, honey, I thought you’d get a kick out of this. You’re always talking about how much you like this show.” Freddy’s voice was wavering.
“Of course I like the show Freddy. I like it because I can’t believe the way people dress and I honestly believe that they are getting the help THEY need, not ME!”
The TV stars looked at each other. Yeah, you better be looking to get out of here.
The brunette came closer to me and touched my arm. “Now Emma, Freddy loves you very much and thought you’d enjoy this experience.”
If she couldn’t see my nostrils flair then she must be blind. Did that stop her? Nope!
“Come on Emma, we’re going to take a look at your wardrobe. I think a new perspective is in order.”
The other TV host rolled out a long Wardrobe rack that contained all my favorite clothes.
THAT woman gave me one of THOSE looks.
“Emma. Seriously. Where’s the funeral?”
I really, really wanted to belt her.
“Everything here is black. You have black pants, black shirts, sweaters jackets, tank tops…and these…”
“Those are my pajamas. What’s wrong with those?” I couldn’t figure out how anyone could pick on a pair of pajamas.
“Emma, its black sweatpants and a black sweatshirt.” THAT woman and her friend started laughing at me. Hell, even the camera guy chuckled. He thought I couldn’t hear him.
Freddy walked up to me shyly. I like that about him. He was gentle and loving but boy did he overstep his boundaries. He’s going back that’s for sure!
As the day wore on I was subjected to more of their opinions on my wardrobe and had to view all the great “Fall Fashion” they thought would look good on me.
What they didn’t get was that I like Black. I’ve liked black forever. It’s the miracle color. It hides absolutely everything. More than you’d even imagine.
Soon, the host came out with a white “day dress” with a shiny metallic design along the collar.
“Does it come in black?” I asked.
By now the Hollywood yahoos’ patience was starting to wear thin. I like that because the more worn down they get; the sooner I could get rid of them.
“Sweetheart, I think it is a beautiful dress and you would look great in it.”
“Freddy, I’m not so sure I’m liking you so much right now. You’ve always been mousey, but this is way beyond you.”
Freddy backed away to where he was sitting.
The British host finally spoke up. I was beginning to think he was a prop. “Now, now Miss Emma, Freddy here’s a good bloke, he only wanted what was best for you.”
“Best for me? How does he know what’s best for me? How do you know? You don’t even know me. You two are nothing more than a couple of clothes horse and your camera guy is a flipping Hyena. Freddy over there, well, he’s just a mouse! I’ve had enough of all of you insulting me, laughing at me and ruining my century.”
The flow came through me so fast this time I couldn’t contain it. I had held it back for so many years trying to live normally, but it just couldn’t be held down. I felt the enchantment come from the depths of my soul. The life force swirled around me as the furniture tipped over, papers flew and the chandelier swayed. I knew I’d have to start over again, but what the heck. It wouldn’t have been the first time.
As my arms returned to their sides, my hair fell back upon my shoulders and silence returned, I heard the first of my efforts.
I opened my eyes and as expected, there were two horses, one hyena and a mouse wandering about my living room.
Well, I always warned Freddy that if he got me mad, I’d turn into a real witch.
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