Let’s Make a Deal
by: Colette Calapristi Casey
©2014
John watched as the salesman’s face turned from friendly to menacing. His whole demeanor changed, but he wondered if it was just instant buyer remorse or something else.
The overweight salesman who only a moment ago was all smiles leaned into John. “Now you know this is an enforceable contract?”
John pulled back. “Of course. This isn’t the first time I’ve bought a car.” John knew this guy was stupid, but now he believed he was seeing just how stupid.
The salesman leaned back in his chair and stacked his legs up on the desk. “Yes, but I told you, we were a special kind of car dealer. You recall our name don’t you?”
John scoffed. He knew it was “Friendly Used Cars” for the longest time and didn’t even pay attention to the sign when he pulled in. “Yeah, I heard you guys changed it, but I didn’t really pay attention. I just know you’ve been here forever, so I figured it was as good as place as any to pick up a good used car.”
The salesman lit up a cigar and rocked back in his chair. “Oh sure, we’ve been here going on 50 years. We’ve sold a lot of cars to a lot of satisfied customers in this town, but you know we just kept doing our best to get folks in the right cars. We went above and beyond on almost every sorry piece of scrap we accepted in trade-in. Like that little car you brought in today. I saw the homemade bodywork, noticed the brakes were gone and you put in additive to hide the knocking in the engine. But we still gave you a great car in return with a high trade in.”
John rolled his eyes. He was wondering what this guy was getting at because he had already signed the deal. “So, if you knew my car had so many problems, why did you make just a great deal? The way I see it, you made the decision to make the deal. I just took it. That’s it.”
The salesman puffed on his cigar and chuckled. “Yes sir I did. And, we here at Karma motors are well aware of the motivations of certain people. “
John raised a brow. “Certain people?”
The salesmen took his feet off the desk and leaned over making and holding eye contact with John.
“Yes sir. Certain people like yourself. People who think they’re smarter than everyone else. People who don’t care what they leave behind in their wake. You sir, have just that kind of reputation.
John kept eye contact and started laughing at the man. “Are we done here?”
The salesman leaned back again. “Almost. I just ask that you read the fine print at the bottom of our Karma Motors contract.”
John put on his glasses and noted the fine print at the bottom of page 3. The print on this document but was especially small. He pulled it closer and began to read.
“This document constitutes a binding contract between John Ulrich and Karma Motors.”
John looked up at the salesmen. “Wow, didn’t realize you guys have custom contracts.”
The salesman nodded. “Keep reading.”
“Any deviation from this amendment to the contract will result in immediate and impactful consequences. You’re Karma has now been activated. If any of the following conditions are not met, Karma will be activated:
1.) Lying to people out of malice
2.) Manipulating others for fun
3.) Treating others as if you are superior or smarter
4.) Taking credit for others ideas
5.) Not completing an obligation and then blaming others.
All items are under the contract and enforceable as signed by the above parties. If you violate any of the above conditions, you will receive exact Karma tenfold for each item including:
1.) Others will lie to you
2.) Others will manipulate you
3.) Others will treat you like you are stupid
4.) Others will take your ideas
5.) Others will blame you for their shortcomings.
Have a nice day.”
John looked up at the salesman and laughed. “You can’t honestly be serious.”
The salesman smiled. “Try me.”
John grabbed the keys to his new car and stood up from his chair.
“You need mental help buddy or you have a large deficiency in the brain department.” John said to the salesman.
The salesman smiled. “Ah, thank you. It’s always best to get the proof out of the way on the first day.”
“In here gentlemen!”
Two hospital orderlies came into the salesman’s office and proceeded to put John into a strait-jacket.
“What the hell? You can’t do this!!” shouted John.
The orderlies smiled. “There now buddy, we have a court order just came in. Said you are in need of psychiatric evaluation. Just for 24 hours and you’ll be fine. Not to worry, we’ll take care of you.”
John screamed as the orderlies carried him out the front door and into the waiting ambulance.
The salesman stood at the window waving goodbye to his satisfied customer. The owner of the car dealership came up behind him and patted him on the back.
“Now that was a good sale today Bob. That one will make a lot of folks happy.”
Bob turned to his boss. “We’ll we do what we can to make the world a little better place.”
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